Hi Cara, Good job overall. Not too many comments to make but there area couple of sections that need a bit more clarification or elaboration. Nice work making this all a one shot!
Sc01 PNL A-F: You can just consider this as panel “A” and then continue with the rest of the alphabet on your other panels. You’ve written this down as a pan, which makes sense up until the transition from E to F... it kind of looks like a pan down and zoom our.. or was it meant more like a tilt? Sc01 PNL H: You should show the full framing of the first pose here (similar to how you did it in panel A). Sc01 PNL K: Lost track of which jelly fish is which. Try to differentiate them by design or label them. Sc01 PNL K-L-M: Since there’s a pan happening, indicate it by connecting all the panels together and drawing the direction of the pan. Sc01 PNL Z: Since this is not a cut, you should start the beginning of the pan with the same framing as PNL Y... otherwise, it’ll just seem like a cut. I also looks like the camera is zoomed in much closer so adjust the scale so it’s consistent. Sc01 PNL Z-AA: What happened to the cave man? It looks like the pan stops when we’re in close with the caveman Sc01 PNL AA: You can elaborate this section a bit more... since the script mentions we go through a lot of time periods before the city is built.
I liked the way you revealed the titles with the pan... nice! Good use of wipes to “reset” the landscape to a time jump. You had a nice flow going on with the continuous shot. Not too much to correct besides a couple of camera moves and a correction on the panel lettering. I also added a couple of arrows in a couple of panels to make the direction of the characters more evident.
Hi Cara,
ReplyDeleteGood job overall. Not too many comments to make but there area couple of sections that need a bit more clarification or elaboration. Nice work making this all a one shot!
Sc01 PNL A-F: You can just consider this as panel “A” and then continue with the rest of the alphabet on your other panels. You’ve written this down as a pan, which makes sense up until the transition from E to F... it kind of looks like a pan down and zoom our.. or was it meant more like a tilt?
Sc01 PNL H: You should show the full framing of the first pose here (similar to how you did it in panel A).
Sc01 PNL K: Lost track of which jelly fish is which. Try to differentiate them by design or label them.
Sc01 PNL K-L-M: Since there’s a pan happening, indicate it by connecting all the panels together and drawing the direction of the pan.
Sc01 PNL Z: Since this is not a cut, you should start the beginning of the pan with the same framing as PNL Y... otherwise, it’ll just seem like a cut. I also looks like the camera is zoomed in much closer so adjust the scale so it’s consistent.
Sc01 PNL Z-AA: What happened to the cave man? It looks like the pan stops when we’re in close with the caveman
Sc01 PNL AA: You can elaborate this section a bit more... since the script mentions we go through a lot of time periods before the city is built.
Hi Cara,
ReplyDeleteI liked the way you revealed the titles with the pan... nice! Good use of wipes to “reset” the landscape to a time jump. You had a nice flow going on with the continuous shot. Not too much to correct besides a couple of camera moves and a correction on the panel lettering. I also added a couple of arrows in a couple of panels to make the direction of the characters more evident.