Hi Isaac, I like how you’ve tried to add imagery that isn’t necessarily described. Having said that, it is very important to no omit anything from the script. There’s an indication of titles that need to appear and there doesn’t seem to be any here. You’ll need to add that to make the board complete. The script also specifies that the earth is barren and lifeless. This makes the appearance of your humans a contradiction to the script. I’m afraid you’ll have to think of an intro where ‘life’ isn’t represented. If we read the whole script and how it plays out, this is basically an evolutionary sequence of sorts, so we can’t start off with living beings, and definitely not human beings.
Although I did mention in class that everyone can add to the script, so long as everything that’s in the script is included, this should not have included details to the narrative. Anything that could have been added are non verbal and not affect the general direction of the script. You’ve added a narrative that follows these two characters and they also speak. That’s too much of a turn from the original script.
An example of what you could have added to what’s already in the script would be, adding a burning bush during the ‘lighting strikes’ section. Things that enrich a scene without adding story or greatly altering the script. It’s an interpretation of the script, not a revision.
I’ll comment on the technicalities of the board but please revise the beginning of what you’ve done to better follow the script.
SC01A: Even though humans shouldn’t be shown, your camera move has been well illustrated. We’re moving in on earth though, so however you decide to adjust your intro, make sure we somehow see how vast and barren everything i.. and that it’s in the context of a volcanic eruption.
PG 04: I’m not sure how you’ll get to the jellyfish without the boat, but you’llneed to show the collision at some point and transition to showing the turtle. Is this a continual overhead pan? I don’t see how you can get from 14B to 14C. We also don’t see the turtle landing onto the beach.
PG05: Are we panning from the bottom of the tree to a higher level? See my uploaded image to see how I would illustrate it if that’s the case. SC15C: This move isn’t quite clear. You’ll need to make a diagram to explain how you plan on doing this. Also remember to keep a cinema/16:9 ratio when you frame your scene. The house zoom seems too square at the moment.
Hello Isaac, As I mentioned in my previous note, I liked the effort you put into adding extra elements in your board that isn’t specified in the script. You just need to be cautious that you respect the script the details of the script with anything you might add. The script mentioned a lifeless/barren land, so you can’t start off with two humans guiding the narrative. Had it occurred later on... it might have been ok depending on how you would have structured it. Your camera move in scene 14 wasn’t very clear so I drew up a diagram of what I think you were trying to accomplish. Using diagrams can often help the reader of the board understand more complex moves to remember to include them if there’s a camera move that isn’t straight forward.
Hi Isaac,
ReplyDeleteI like how you’ve tried to add imagery that isn’t necessarily described. Having said that, it is very important to no omit anything from the script. There’s an indication of titles that need to appear and there doesn’t seem to be any here. You’ll need to add that to make the board complete. The script also specifies that the earth is barren and lifeless. This makes the appearance of your humans a contradiction to the script. I’m afraid you’ll have to think of an intro where ‘life’ isn’t represented. If we read the whole script and how it plays out, this is basically an evolutionary sequence of sorts, so we can’t start off with living beings, and definitely not human beings.
Although I did mention in class that everyone can add to the script, so long as everything that’s in the script is included, this should not have included details to the narrative. Anything that could have been added are non verbal and not affect the general direction of the script. You’ve added a narrative that follows these two characters and they also speak. That’s too much of a turn from the original script.
An example of what you could have added to what’s already in the script would be, adding a burning bush during the ‘lighting strikes’ section. Things that enrich a scene without adding story or greatly altering the script. It’s an interpretation of the script, not a revision.
I’ll comment on the technicalities of the board but please revise the beginning of what you’ve done to better follow the script.
SC01A: Even though humans shouldn’t be shown, your camera move has been well illustrated. We’re moving in on earth though, so however you decide to adjust your intro, make sure we somehow see how vast and barren everything i.. and that it’s in the context of a volcanic eruption.
PG 04: I’m not sure how you’ll get to the jellyfish without the boat, but you’llneed to show the collision at some point and transition to showing the turtle. Is this a continual overhead pan? I don’t see how you can get from 14B to 14C. We also don’t see the turtle landing onto the beach.
PG05: Are we panning from the bottom of the tree to a higher level? See my uploaded image to see how I would illustrate it if that’s the case.
SC15C: This move isn’t quite clear. You’ll need to make a diagram to explain how you plan on doing this. Also remember to keep a cinema/16:9 ratio when you frame your scene. The house zoom seems too square at the moment.
Hello Isaac,
ReplyDeleteAs I mentioned in my previous note, I liked the effort you put into adding extra elements in your board that isn’t specified in the script. You just need to be cautious that you respect the script the details of the script with anything you might add. The script mentioned a lifeless/barren land, so you can’t start off with two humans guiding the narrative. Had it occurred later on... it might have been ok depending on how you would have structured it. Your camera move in scene 14 wasn’t very clear so I drew up a diagram of what I think you were trying to accomplish. Using diagrams can often help the reader of the board understand more complex moves to remember to include them if there’s a camera move that isn’t straight forward.