SC33A: How did we get from rolling in the ground together to both of them on their feet? Is there a space between them or are they wrestling? If your following shot has dr mann lunging and Cooper, you should maintain the continuity of the shot by making sure the distance is here. SC37A: Instead of two arrows to mark the repeated hits, make one arrow that goes back and forth (check out example I’ve uploaded at the end of your board). SC42A-43A: Is Cooper already lying on the ground in sc 42 or does he only lay down in scene 43 as dr cooper stands up? SC 45A: What is the arrow supposed to indicate? SC 49A: Draw an arrow for dr mann turning towards the camera. SC 50A: I’m reading this a jump cut from the previous scene. I’m not sure that’s what you meant to do. Are we tracking along with dr mann as he walks away from Cooper? If so, you need to indicate it with the beginning/end frame. If you leave this as a jump cut, it doesn’t quite work and might feel like a mistake. SC 53B: Is this a zoom out? If so, indicate the beginning frame (I uploaded the example). SC 54A: This looks like another jump cut. Consider another angle so the cut doesn’t seem so jarring. SC57A: He grabs the transmitter from the floor. Does that mean that he drops it before the next shot or during the next shot? This needs to be clarified. SC 58A: Don’t put the exclamation mark... the drawn facial expression is sufficient. Does he grab the transmitter before we cut to the next scene where it’s already in his hand? SC 60A: To continue with the nice flow you have, it might be better to have a shot where we shoot, at the same angle, but where the camera shoots from the feet rather than the head... since that’s the angle you’ve been using before this shot. This change is optional. Works for a better flow but not necessary to change if you’d rather keep it as is.
Thanks for the feedback, I've corrected everything according to your notes and revised/added in a few shots to improve the flow. I hope the storyboard reads better now :)
Great job on the revisions. There wasn’t much else for me to add except some section were I included more directional arrows. There were a couple of your panels where you could have drawn the direction that the arrow is pointing a little more clearly but your board was extremely easy to read despite it. Again, nice job.
SC57A: He grabs the transmitter from the floor?
ReplyDeleteSC33A: How did we get from rolling in the ground together to both of them on their feet? Is there a space between them or are they wrestling? If your following shot has dr mann lunging and Cooper, you should maintain the continuity of the shot by making sure the distance is here.
ReplyDeleteSC37A: Instead of two arrows to mark the repeated hits, make one arrow that goes back and forth (check out example I’ve uploaded at the end of your board).
SC42A-43A: Is Cooper already lying on the ground in sc 42 or does he only lay down in scene 43 as dr cooper stands up?
SC 45A: What is the arrow supposed to indicate?
SC 49A: Draw an arrow for dr mann turning towards the camera.
SC 50A: I’m reading this a jump cut from the previous scene. I’m not sure that’s what you meant to do. Are we tracking along with dr mann as he walks away from Cooper? If so, you need to indicate it with the beginning/end frame. If you leave this as a jump cut, it doesn’t quite work and might feel like a mistake.
SC 53B: Is this a zoom out? If so, indicate the beginning frame (I uploaded the example).
SC 54A: This looks like another jump cut. Consider another angle so the cut doesn’t seem so jarring.
SC57A: He grabs the transmitter from the floor. Does that mean that he drops it before the next shot or during the next shot? This needs to be clarified.
SC 58A: Don’t put the exclamation mark... the drawn facial expression is sufficient. Does he grab the transmitter before we cut to the next scene where it’s already in his hand?
SC 60A: To continue with the nice flow you have, it might be better to have a shot where we shoot, at the same angle, but where the camera shoots from the feet rather than the head... since that’s the angle you’ve been using before this shot. This change is optional. Works for a better flow but not necessary to change if you’d rather keep it as is.
Hi Jo,
DeleteThanks for the feedback, I've corrected everything according to your notes and revised/added in a few shots to improve the flow. I hope the storyboard reads better now :)
Hi Patrick,
ReplyDeleteGreat job on the revisions. There wasn’t much else for me to add except some section were I included more directional arrows. There were a couple of your panels where you could have drawn the direction that the arrow is pointing a little more clearly but your board was extremely easy to read despite it. Again, nice job.