Nice job overall. You really managed to capture the action very well. Just a couple of notes regarding some camera moves and just a few areas where the drawings could be cleaned up for better readability. The biggest note comes at the section where you break the 180 rule. I’ve drawn out a suggestion but please feel free to come up with your own fix. Also, please correct the mis-numbering of pages starting around page 8-9 and continuing through to the end. Having arrows for the wind is not necessary. Wind can’t be seen so you would show the windiness through how snowy it possibly could be or by having the sand move in a direction. For the purposes of this exercise, and to keep things more clear, you can remove the arrows that are meant for the wind... unless it directly affects something on screen. PG 01: Are we pushing in as per your description? As it looks now, it looks there’s a slight zoom but the arrows and double panel confuses things. Refer to my uploaded jpegs for a clearer way of depicting the move. PG 04: I can’t tell what’s happening in SC04A-SC04B. You could clean up the drawing and/or add descriptive text. PG 05: Looks like you’ve got a cut between these two scenes. Since the angle doesn’t change so much, this would feel like a jump cut. It would be a better transition by following Cooper as he gets up with a pan. PG 06: Are we seeing the back or front of dr mann? Please clarify. PG 09: This page is mislabelled as page 9 when it should be page 8... unless page 8 is completely missing. If it’s supposed to be page 8, please correct and make sure you correct the following pages. If page 8 is missing, please upload it. In terms of your camera move, you’ve made the same mistake as your first shot. The correction would be the same. PG 10: Nice zoom out to show the vastness of the ledge. PG11: You’ve broken the 180 rule by switching Cooper back onto screen right. In the previous page, you can see that Cooper is slightly ahead of dr. Mann. To avoid breaking the rule, you could start SC 10 by having dr Mann to the right of Cooper, then have him move forward to the position you currently have... that way, you can see, within the shot, dr mann changing from one side of the screen to the other.
PG 13: If dr mann is activating his jets, you need to show it. Since this is a close up, I think you could show some of it in SC 13.
PG17: I can’t tell what pose or what angle Cooper is supposed to be in this scene. Clean up the drawing to clarify. If dr mann is walking towards Cooper, draw an arrow. PG 18: Do we see where dr mann kicks Cooper? Do we see how Cooper catches the ledge. You will need an extra panel to show this. What are the ripples on the side of the screen supposed to signify?
PG 21: Is this an overhead pan? And then it zooms out? If so, check my drawings to how to illustrate it. If it’s more complex and you are tracking towards them while eventually performing a zoom out, you will have to clarify with a diagram. PG 25: What are the ripples on the side of the screen supposed to signify? PG 27: What is the ‘up’ arrow in SC 22A supposed to show? PG 29: I can’t tell what’s happening. What are the red waves supposed to show. Clean up the drawing or describe it in the text. PG 31: No need to put an exclamation mark there. If Cooper has a specific expression or draw it out.
Hi Weronica, Nice job on your storyboard. I’ve added some extra notes since the last revision I sent you. Overall, you did a pretty thorough job, especially with breaking down poses and properly drawing out how each movement works with arrows. I’ve drawn out the suggestions I made (clearer to see than to figure out my text). Your handwriting gets a bit difficult to read as we get closer to the end of the board, so make sure you keep your hand writing readable or type out your text instead. Like I said... nice and thorough job!
Hi Weronica,
ReplyDeleteNice job overall. You really managed to capture the action very well. Just a couple of notes regarding some camera moves and just a few areas where the drawings could be cleaned up for better readability. The biggest note comes at the section where you break the 180 rule. I’ve drawn out a suggestion but please feel free to come up with your own fix. Also, please correct the mis-numbering of pages starting around page 8-9 and continuing through to the end.
Having arrows for the wind is not necessary. Wind can’t be seen so you would show the windiness through how snowy it possibly could be or by having the sand move in a direction. For the purposes of this exercise, and to keep things more clear, you can remove the arrows that are meant for the wind... unless it directly affects something on screen.
PG 01: Are we pushing in as per your description? As it looks now, it looks there’s a slight zoom but the arrows and double panel confuses things. Refer to my uploaded jpegs for a clearer way of depicting the move.
PG 04: I can’t tell what’s happening in SC04A-SC04B. You could clean up the drawing and/or add descriptive text.
PG 05: Looks like you’ve got a cut between these two scenes. Since the angle doesn’t change so much, this would feel like a jump cut. It would be a better transition by following Cooper as he gets up with a pan.
PG 06: Are we seeing the back or front of dr mann? Please clarify.
PG 09: This page is mislabelled as page 9 when it should be page 8... unless page 8 is completely missing. If it’s supposed to be page 8, please correct and make sure you correct the following pages. If page 8 is missing, please upload it. In terms of your camera move, you’ve made the same mistake as your first shot. The correction would be the same.
PG 10: Nice zoom out to show the vastness of the ledge.
PG11: You’ve broken the 180 rule by switching Cooper back onto screen right. In the previous page, you can see that Cooper is slightly ahead of dr. Mann. To avoid breaking the rule, you could start SC 10 by having dr Mann to the right of Cooper, then have him move forward to the position you currently have... that way, you can see, within the shot, dr mann changing from one side of the screen to the other.
PG 13: If dr mann is activating his jets, you need to show it. Since this is a close up, I think you could show some of it in SC 13.
PG17: I can’t tell what pose or what angle Cooper is supposed to be in this scene. Clean up the drawing to clarify. If dr mann is walking towards Cooper, draw an arrow.
PG 18: Do we see where dr mann kicks Cooper? Do we see how Cooper catches the ledge. You will need an extra panel to show this. What are the ripples on the side of the screen supposed to signify?
PG 21: Is this an overhead pan? And then it zooms out? If so, check my drawings to how to illustrate it. If it’s more complex and you are tracking towards them while eventually performing a zoom out, you will have to clarify with a diagram.
PG 25: What are the ripples on the side of the screen supposed to signify?
PG 27: What is the ‘up’ arrow in SC 22A supposed to show?
PG 29: I can’t tell what’s happening. What are the red waves supposed to show. Clean up the drawing or describe it in the text.
PG 31: No need to put an exclamation mark there. If Cooper has a specific expression or draw it out.
Hi Weronica,
ReplyDeleteNice job on your storyboard. I’ve added some extra notes since the last revision I sent you. Overall, you did a pretty thorough job, especially with breaking down poses and properly drawing out how each movement works with arrows. I’ve drawn out the suggestions I made (clearer to see than to figure out my text). Your handwriting gets a bit difficult to read as we get closer to the end of the board, so make sure you keep your hand writing readable or type out your text instead. Like I said... nice and thorough job!