Hi Kenzie, Nice job in envisioning the sequence. Overall, I’m having trouble following the action.. your drawings will need a bit more detail or structure so each introduced character, including the extras, are able to be kept track. In terms of labeling of your scenes, anytime there’s a cut, your scene number should change. It seems you’ve labelled everything as scene 1 and numbered all of the panels sequentially. This makes it hard to read a storyboard as the cuts are no longer obvious. When it comes to your first pan, you can go with sc1 pnl 1, scn 1 pnl2, scn1 pnl3, etc.. but I think you’re probably trying to make a new shot at page 3? PG 01: Since this is the first drawing that we see, we’re not sure who all these characters are. You should write a description and can even lift it off the script and call them handcuffed low lifes and junkies. We just need to know that crowd is made up of cops and criminals. Since your drawings are sketchy and lacks those details, you’ll need to specify it in your descriptive text. How does this pan work? Are we panning through the precinct until the camera catches up with Mills and Somerset? PG 02: Mills and Somerset look smaller and lower in frame in panel 5 vs panel 4. Are they walking away from the camera ? If that’s not the case, just be careful of your scale as that can affect the reading of a scene. Does Mills stop walking as Somerset goes up the stairs? I’d clean up the drawings of those extras. Make a cleaner drawing of them and copy/paste them as needed in your scenes. They need a bit more structure so we can tell them apart from one another. PG 03 (middle panel): Which character is silhouetted? Mills? PG 03 (last panel): Does the stamp come in off screen? You could add another panel to show the beginning and end pose of this scene. PG 04: Specify who is heading up the stairs. Please have a look at my uploaded image to see how to better illustrat a tilt pan.
PG 05: All eyes on John Doe... are people turning their heads to have a look at him or are their heads already turned when we cut to this shot?
PG 06: It would be good to show a panel at the beginning of the shot... before their guns are drawn. The middle panel seems like the same shot as the first panel but a lot of details have disappeared. Is this the same shot? Does Somerset walk into the frame? Have arrows showing the cops moving in slowly. PG 07: Who’s gun enters the scene in the middle panel? PG 08: If you’re panning with the action of John Doe moving towards the ground, this would suggest a vertical pan. However, the way you’ve indicated it would suggest a horizontal pan.. which can’t work. PG 11: If John Doe winces, write it in the description or draw it on his face. Avoid writing descriptive text of facial expressions in the panel. Is he getting cuffed behind his back? If so...
PG 12: Are we seeing his cuffed hands on his back or in front of his face? Is he cuffed for the duration of the scene? If so, you’ll need to fix the drawings to reflect that. In the middle panel, what/who is the silhouette on the right?
Hi Kenzie, There were a couple of places where camera moves could have been indicated more clearly. Your panel numbering was off as it should be a reference to which pose in a scene were supposed to be reading. I think the overall flow of the board was good but the drawings weren’t clear enough at times and also wasn’t consistent with scale. Combine that with the improper labeling, it makes it hard to follow where cuts might happen and how action flows.
Hi Kenzie,
ReplyDeleteNice job in envisioning the sequence. Overall, I’m having trouble following the action.. your drawings will need a bit more detail or structure so each introduced character, including the extras, are able to be kept track.
In terms of labeling of your scenes, anytime there’s a cut, your scene number should change. It seems you’ve labelled everything as scene 1 and numbered all of the panels sequentially. This makes it hard to read a storyboard as the cuts are no longer obvious. When it comes to your first pan, you can go with sc1 pnl 1, scn 1 pnl2, scn1 pnl3, etc.. but I think you’re probably trying to make a new shot at page 3?
PG 01: Since this is the first drawing that we see, we’re not sure who all these characters are. You should write a description and can even lift it off the script and call them handcuffed low lifes and junkies. We just need to know that crowd is made up of cops and criminals. Since your drawings are sketchy and lacks those details, you’ll need to specify it in your descriptive text. How does this pan work? Are we panning through the precinct until the camera catches up with Mills and Somerset?
PG 02: Mills and Somerset look smaller and lower in frame in panel 5 vs panel 4. Are they walking away from the camera ? If that’s not the case, just be careful of your scale as that can affect the reading of a scene. Does Mills stop walking as Somerset goes up the stairs?
I’d clean up the drawings of those extras. Make a cleaner drawing of them and copy/paste them as needed in your scenes. They need a bit more structure so we can tell them apart from one another.
PG 03 (middle panel): Which character is silhouetted? Mills?
PG 03 (last panel): Does the stamp come in off screen? You could add another panel to show the beginning and end pose of this scene.
PG 04: Specify who is heading up the stairs. Please have a look at my uploaded image to see how to better illustrat a tilt pan.
PG 05: All eyes on John Doe... are people turning their heads to have a look at him or are their heads already turned when we cut to this shot?
PG 06: It would be good to show a panel at the beginning of the shot... before their guns are drawn. The middle panel seems like the same shot as the first panel but a lot of details have disappeared. Is this the same shot? Does Somerset walk into the frame? Have arrows showing the cops moving in slowly.
PG 07: Who’s gun enters the scene in the middle panel?
PG 08: If you’re panning with the action of John Doe moving towards the ground, this would suggest a vertical pan. However, the way you’ve indicated it would suggest a horizontal pan.. which can’t work.
PG 11: If John Doe winces, write it in the description or draw it on his face. Avoid writing descriptive text of facial expressions in the panel. Is he getting cuffed behind his back? If so...
PG 12: Are we seeing his cuffed hands on his back or in front of his face? Is he cuffed for the duration of the scene? If so, you’ll need to fix the drawings to reflect that. In the middle panel, what/who is the silhouette on the right?
Hi Kenzie,
ReplyDeleteThere were a couple of places where camera moves could have been indicated more clearly. Your panel numbering was off as it should be a reference to which pose in a scene were supposed to be reading. I think the overall flow of the board was good but the drawings weren’t clear enough at times and also wasn’t consistent with scale. Combine that with the improper labeling, it makes it hard to follow where cuts might happen and how action flows.